Today is the first day of me being a full-time mom, my 3 y/o daughter gave me a new title… She called me ‘mbak mama’ (mbak = nanny). She said that she doesn't need a nanny now because now she has ‘mbak mama’ all the time.
Exactly 30 days ago I submitted my resignation letter to my boss. I resigned from my position as an Editor in Chief of an Indonesian bridal magazine, where I worked for in the past 10 years. The decision to resign was not an easy one. I have been toying with the idea since the day my first child was born. But I guess once I get back to work, the excitement and the satisfaction of working always sucked me back in the routine and it went on until my 2nd child was born. I love my job, I really do, but after seeing how working a full-time job with deadlines and bringing up two kids did not work for me AND my job, I decided to take the plunge and decided that it was my time to retire from the working force.
Quitting my job after 16 years of working was really not an easy one for me. It felt like I was having a baby blues all over again. I went through a lot of emotional roller coaster. It took me one year to really jump and take the plunge. I had a lot of doubts and fears, although not having enough money for the family is amongst them, yet it is not my biggest fear. My biggest fear was more about the fear that I will lose my creativity. I will lose the chance to be creative and that I wouldn't have a life outside the house, the husband, the kids and that I will simply cease to exist. I don’t know if these were the ‘quitting blues’ talking or that I was just over reacted or just simply losing my mind to paranoia. To tell you the truth back then I even suffocated when having these thoughts. I hope having these thought doesn’t mean that I am a selfish mother.
I really love my children with all my heart and soul, I will give up everything to give the best care that they need. Hey, I even quit smoking (and that is a surprise for those who knows me back then), but still transforming myself from ‘lady boss’ to ‘mbak mama’ is not as easy as it looks. It might sound funny but trust me, it is definitely not EASY.
Well, they said, like all the things that are new, it just needs time and patience. I will definitely need more time, to adjust my feelings and find my way in this new role of mine. Then I will have to work on my patience..and that itself will be another topic for my next post.. :)
In the mean time, I am really looking forward to our ‘overdue’ Family Vacation to Bali on the 20th… looking forward to the beaches, the sun, the food and the families that are waiting for me there….
Until next time ;)
xoxo,
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